Flashback Friday

Last week,

my baby

turned ONE!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

Things You Should Definitely Do While Trying to Get Your House Ready to Sell

~Have a birthday party
~Have extra people in your house
~Try to lose weight
~Potty train
~Get your Master's Degree
~Wean a baby

Or not.

Party's Over

My pity party from the previous post is over now. Please forgive me. Life is super crazy around here right now. LOTS to post about, but not now. It is late, and my daughter's 1st birthday party is HOURS away.

God bless and good night/morning!

Feedback

On Saturday, I will have been blogging for 6 months. I have "met" some incredible people and learned a lot from them. I've had some very high moments, when I've felt great about posts and had great comments, but I've also had some lows, when I wonder why the heck am I even doing this. I happen to be in one of those lows right now, feeling that I don't have much to offer on my blog and sooo many other things I should be doing instead.

So I'm asking you, the few who will read this, is there anything you would like me to blog about? Why do you visit this blog? I don't mind if you answer anonymously. I think I am so accustomed to receiving feedback from school and when I used to work, that sometimes I feel lost without any. Maybe this is my way of dealing with that.

I may delete this post tomorrow after I realize how pitiful it probably sounds.

Have a Cup For Me

Today is one of those days that I wish I drank coffee. So for those of you who do, please, have another cup for me, and then channel that caffiene rush east. I would greatly appreciate it.

Angels

Angels

When God calls children
to dwell with him above,
We mortals sometimes question
the wisdom of his love.
For no heartache compares with
the death of a child
Who does so much to make our world
Seem wonderful & mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling
the aged to his fold,
So he picks a rosebud
before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them,
so He takes but few
To make the land of heaven
more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult
still somehow we must try,
The saddest word mankind knows
will always be "Goodbye."
So when a child departs,
we who are left behind
Must realize God loves children,
Angels are hard to find.

~Unknown

God Has a Plan

Two years ago, this week, I found out I was having a miscarriage. Isabel was 9 months old. Of course, it was a very difficult time for Tom and I. What made it especially difficult for us was how quick everything had happened. I had the blood test telling me I was pregnant on Friday. Of course we were ecstatic. We went to a baby fair that weekend (it just happened to be in town). The next week, after I received my referral, I called to make my first appointment and asked about some bleeding that seemed to be getting heavier. Without getting into too many more details, I was sent for some blood tests to get hormone levels the following 2 Fridays. In just over 2 weeks, we went from "Yes, you're pregnant" to "Not anymore." It was horrible. The week after finding out we were pregnant, we sent cute little notes announcing the news to our parents. They got them the first weekend we knew there might be a problem, so obviously when they called to congratulate them, I didn't want to talk and Tom had to tell them what was going on.

I had no idea how to handle any of it. My doctor, as great as I thought she was, was so very clinical about it all. I guess it was, unfortunately, just routine for her. Part of the job. I looked up miscarriages on the net, trying to make sense of it all. I tried to find comfort in the theory that my body was doing what it was supposed to because there was probably something wrong with the baby. Of course, something was still not right in how I was dealing with it. I was bringing my pain to God, but I didn't really know what the pain really was that I was bringing to Him or what I was really asking Him to do.

That year, Easter was in mid-April, so I just tried to surround myself with people to distract myself. My aunt was in town, and we asked some friends over to celebrate the day with us. We didn't tell anybody what had happened. The only people who knew were our parents and the few they might have said something to, and our best friends. I, to this day, still don't know who knows. I guess a lot more now, after reading this :) Of course, not telling people made it difficult when people would announce their pregancies. When one couple told us about their baby, about a month later I think, I was crushed because I was hurting and also because I wanted to be happier for them. They had no idea though, what we were going through. I thought this was the best way to deal with it. And our best friends ended up waiting a long time to tell us they were expecting again. And for whatever complicated emotional reasoning, I think I was more upset they waited so long to tell us. But I understood. Obviously, I was not handling the pain very well.

It didn't take too long until I was pregnant again. Of course, we were nervous. But as you know, that pregnancy went well and 9 months later, Alexis was born. The same week, 1 year later, that I found out that I had lost my baby. Isn't God amazing?!?!?! We were so full of joy with our new little girl, we didn't have time to dwell on the pain of the sorrowful anniversary. A few months ago, this all dawned on me. I still can't believe it sometimes. It is just another example that God knows what He is doing, even if we don't or can't understand it.

So how am I doing with our loss these days? Much better. Last summer/fall, I reconnected with an old friend. She is a saintly woman who God brought back into my life at the perfect time, of course. She recommended that I read Kimerly Hahn's book Life-Giving Love. This book changed EVERYTHING! It helped me get my head wrapped around what had really happened to my baby. Part of why dealing with the loss of my baby was so difficult is because I didn't know what I should be feeling. Surely, I couldn't be as devastated as parents who had lost their baby in their last trimester, could I? But between the book and my new (old) friend, I began to realize that a baby is a baby no matter if it's 1 week along or 40 weeks along. I was valid in feeling what I was feeling. It all made sense now. I would say I have always been pro-life, but I had never really been put in a situation where it mattered. Now my eyes were opened to what being "Pro-life" really meant.

I'm starting to get frustrated with my lack of properly writing what is in my heart to say here, but I hope I've made a glimmer of sense. I've been waiting a few months to write this post, and I think, if anything, just writing it has helped me. For those of you who made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read my words, as clumsy as they may be.

And maybe, you could take a moment to say a prayer for my baby who is no longer with us.

God bless you!

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Lift With Your Knees, Not With Your Back

Can you guess what I did today?

Tom and I spent all day moving "clutter" out of our house and into storage so our house will "show better" and we can sell it. The girls are still in Colorado, so Tom and I are trying to get as much done as we can. We have tile laying and painting (2 rooms) on the agenda for tomorrow. Tom has busted his you-know-what while I was gone, painting 3 other rooms and finishing some other projects (did I mention removing wallpaper was involved?). So right now, my body is feeling the wear of the day. How many books do we have anyway? Good news, it was probably the best workout I have had in a long time. Bad news, it was probably the best workout I have had in a long time. I desperately need to get back into some kind of shape besides blob. But that's for another post. To add a cherry on top of the fatigue sundae, when I mentioned to Tom that I may not be able to move tomorrow when I wake up, he told me that "Pain is weakness leaving the body." He used my own saying against me!!! I couldn't believe it! I love that saying. It has gotten me through many a workout and training session. I have even used it to "motivate" underclassmen when I was at school. So anyway, we're off to bed to rest our weary bones (and muscles) so we can get up bright and early and start again. Did I mention how much fun moving is?

Good night and God bless!

Bad day...

...need prayers.


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Put on your best Snorkelface...

...and head over to Simcha's for her great post on "Growing."